Take a deep breath, I know it seems impossible but Nora’s arrival is only two and a half months away! I wonder sometimes how close we actually are to the end of days, the bible makes mention of how fast time will fly in those last days and it certainly seems to be winging on by anymore, where did 2011 go?
As I was sitting and chatting with my ole pal Jesus the other day my heart was just fluttering away, skipping little beats here and there as He filled my mind with images and my soul with long lost emotions, all those remembered flashes of having a snuggly little baby around, MY baby. As I sat on my couch I stole some of that fleeting time to indulge my imagination….will Nora look like Noble, will she have the same funny sneeze he did, or love a bath as much as he did, will their cries sound the same, will she have a temper like he did, will she have short fat toes like mine or long skinny toes like Adam and Noble? This pregnancy has been so different from Noble’s that I already know she is laughably different in so many ways!
And so I sat, imagining and daydreaming when I started feeling little tingles in my chest, little nigglings and heard the Holy Spirit whispering “it’s time to wake up”. I saw myself, standing in a meadow in a great pool of light, I had tears streaming down my face as I reached up to my chest and took hold of my rib cage in the middle and pried it open, exposing it to the light. I could see my soul, it was made up of different compartments that make me who I am, all bright and active and working together, all except one. One large compartment was still as the night and had a fine layer of dust within it. As I peered into the compartment I could see scroll work across the back, I stepped closer to myself and gently blew the dust away to read the single word. In gentle, elegant black letters it simply said “Mommy”. And as the most infinite of sighs escaped my lungs I heard the Holy Spirit say with a little more gumption, “it’s time to wake up.”
I remember the day I packed up Noble’s room, carefully wrapped all his belongings and stored them away in the garage. I didnt just pack away all his earthly belongings that day, as I gently wrapped his few possessions I was also wrapping a part of myself. I packed away the part of me that was “mommy”, it wasnt needed anymore and seemed too painful to keep active. So without even stopping to think on it I winterized that part of my soul, sealed it up to safely wait for the Spring. Except winter didnt just last one season, it lasted several, and just like my earthly possessions it had remained packed up and dormant for so long I forgot I had it in storage.
And so here comes the great Wake Up, stirring to life in a slow, lumbering sort of way. I can feel the Holy Spirit oiling all the joints and wheels in my Mommy compartment, speaking His life giving words over all the parts and calling them to motion again. It’s not painful like I thought it would be, it’s quite pleasant actually, like the first languorous stretch of the morning as your body wills itself out of dormancy. I am ready, I’m ready to be fully me again, to have the fullness of my soul restored so that my heart can be emptied out into my little one, ready to be mommy again.
Song of Solomon 2: 11-12
“See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land.”