Today is February 9th, the day Noble went home. I wonder at the sights his eyes have seen these past two years, I can only imagine and be jealous of the pure majesty he is dwelling in….
Losing a child is a wound of vast intricacy, calling it a “wound” is even too simple. It is something that infiltrates your whole being, your entire make up, it permanently alters every fiber. The sheer magnitude of tackling something like that overwhelms my teeny brain and speaks to my soul of the perfectly vast love my God has for me. That He would patiently and passionately meet this wound face to face every day, lovingly working to forever leave me better than before, more whole than I can speak of, a testament to this world that His glory is beyond comparison and His banner over us is always love, Jehovah Nissi.
I was reading through my journal this morning and decided to share this entry from a couple of weeks ago…….
I have been thinking this morning of all the wounds God has healed me of as I have been slowly growing this little munchkin. Day by day He’s been filling little chunks in my soul and binding up old injuries. Bringing me to a place of wholeness, where I can meet Nora as a whole person. He has pulled me up out of the ashes and pieced me back together so that I have a fullness of Spirit and Soul to pour out over her.
The promise over her is Joy, she is a child of Joy and now I carry that Joy as well. We can meet each other as carries of this encompassing Joy. Her’s a Joy of Grace and innocence, mine a Joy of Grace and Redemption, both gifts of our God. She is flesh of my flesh, my light. She is beauty in it’s very purest essence. I will give her all the knowledge I have and shower her with a wild love that has known loss.
You perfection, God, is breathtaking. How you have woven and mapped out my life. How you planned a daughter of redemption even as you cried with me over my son. I bow down to your wisdom and perfection. The love you shower over my very being is more than I could ever hope to deserve or even fathom. How you know me, every fiber and thought. You are more than words to me.
As I move further into today I know God remembers my challenge issued last year, to take today and surprise me, to blow my mind somehow……
I will sing for Joy in God, explode in praise from deep in my soul! He dressed me up in a suit of salvation, He outfitted me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom who puts on a tuxedo and a bride a jeweled tiara. For as the earth bursts with spring wildflowers, and as a garden cascades with blossoms, so the master, God, brings righteousness into full bloom and puts praise on display before the nations.