Christmas has come and gone and December is dancin on outta here with some delicious warm weather. Just warm enough to tide us over till Spring and air out our houses a little. Adam and I live in a tiny but cozy little house that is double my age and likes to get an ancient smell to it from time to time, especially during these shuttered months. While I am an old soul and appreciate the whisper of past times it’s also nice to throw open creaky windows and let antique walls breathe some crisp air!
This past month has been filled with other whisperings as well, one words in particular has swirled around my heart over and over, Joy. Of course during Christmas this word gets overplayed and misused about as much as the word Love does on a daily basis. But lately the Joy I’ve been feeling is just a little different from normal, it’s a little more filling. It has a weight to it, a certain worth that I’ve been contemplating. It’s as if I’ve had a concept of Joy my whole life but until recently it was something my brain merely held while my heart struggled and grappled with it.
The revelations of true Joy are hard to put into words. How do you put human utterings to something that transpires in the Spiritual? It is ridiculously impossible and impossibly personal. But being human, of course I have to try…….
I am 28 now and my life has held enough heart breaks thus far, that much is true, but my journey to the revelations of Joy began when I embraced my life, all my gut wrenching sobbing, personal shortcomings, and limited knowledge and said “Here I am God! This world has done a number on me so far but can you use me? Can you heal me beyond what this world has dealt me?” And as the healings began (and continue I might add) that’s when this unearthly concept of Joy began to burrow into my heart. That Joy is not based on earthly circumstances or outcomes. When I fall to my knees and my spirit cries out with a voice only One can hear, only One can answer, that’s when I feel Joy being weaved into my marrow and etched into my bones. It’s the only reason I can look back over my life thus far and say yes it’s been mindbendingly painful at times but O my soul its been breathtakingly beautiful. My heart catches at the grace woven into moments like ribbons into hair. I am a tree growing by the ever fresh waters of the Holy Spirit, planted to grow tall for all to see the rich Glory of my God. A tree that is growing and thriving despite the harsh winters of the land, a tree that is draped in the elegance of Peace and stubbornly budding out Hope. My lips can’t help but turn up at the edges as my throat tingles to release little giggles. My soul is overwhelmed by a sensation that is so deeply personal, it is just for me……and yet He has it for everyone at the same time, this crazy thing we humbly call Joy……
“I’m singing Joyful praise to God. I’m turning cartwheels of Joy to my Savior God” Habakkuk 3:18 (MSG)